1. Two words; Sitz bath. I'll be honest, the "z" in Sitz makes the fact that I'm sitting in 5 inches of water and epsom salt, staring at the wall for an extended period of time seem a little more fancy than it actually is...I think that's why they put it there.
2. Don't look at your vagina with a hand mirror after giving birth. Just, don't.
3. A trip to the bathroom the first 2 weeks post partum consists of: pee, use squirt bottle to squirt area with warm water, gently pat dry, change pad, put witchhazel pads on said pad, spray area with dermoplast spray, wash hands, repeat...every time.
4. Do not try on pre-pregnancy jeans yet unless you plan to inflict an injury.
5. Pumping makes me feel like a cow being milked. 5+ times a day.
6. Milk production and engorgement = instant boob job, accompanied by severe discomfort.
7. Sleep is an elusive thing of the past.
8. Newborns do weird shit when they're asleep, I love the look on my boyfriend's face when he's trying to figure out exactly what it is she's doing...
9. The pascifier...love how it makes her stop crying, hate how I have to pick it up every 5 minutes and put it back in her mouth.
10. I never thought I'd catch myself sitting in a Sitz bath, with my boobies out... while pumping breast milk simultaniously.... I'm really getting the hang of multi-tasking.
11. The first few days after baby is born, hormones and reality tend to get the best of you...it's all so much to take in, for a while, I wanted to put her back in my belly, where she was safe, and quiet. It's really okay, and completely normal to be extremely emotional the first few days after you give birth.
12. Bye-bye perfume, hello to my official new scent, spit up.
13. Babies don't always smell good... in fact, more often than not, they smell like old milk.
14. Everything you do must work around baby's schedual, I mean everything, including going to the bathroom.
15. The swing is a fabulous baby sitter.
16. A glass of wine a night aids in my sanity.
17. Newborns act like little creatures rather than humans.
18. I'm pretty sure anyone that has been to our house in the last 3 weeks is tired of seeing my boobs, including my own boyfriend.
19. It made me uncomfortable when strangers would touch my belly, but you even think about touching my baby I will slap you, back the F off.
My little gremlin will be a month old this coming Monday, by the way things are going I'm sure I'll have more to add to this list.