What I've Learned: 3 Weeks Post-partum

1. Two words; Sitz bath. I'll be honest, the "z" in Sitz makes the fact that I'm sitting in 5 inches of water and epsom salt, staring at the wall for an extended period of time seem a little more fancy than it actually is...I think that's why they put it there.

2.  Don't look at your vagina with a hand mirror after giving birth. Just, don't.

3. A trip to the bathroom the first 2 weeks post partum consists of: pee, use squirt bottle to squirt area with warm water, gently pat dry, change pad, put witchhazel pads on said pad, spray area with dermoplast spray, wash hands, repeat...every time.

4. Do not try on pre-pregnancy jeans yet unless you plan to inflict an injury.

5. Pumping makes me feel like a cow being milked. 5+ times a day.

6. Milk production and engorgement = instant boob job, accompanied by severe discomfort.

7. Sleep is an elusive thing of the past.

8. Newborns do weird shit when they're asleep, I love the look on my boyfriend's face when he's trying to figure out exactly what it is she's doing...

9. The pascifier...love how it makes her stop crying, hate how I have to pick it up every 5 minutes and put it back in her mouth.

10. I never thought I'd catch myself sitting in a Sitz bath, with my boobies out... while pumping breast milk simultaniously.... I'm really getting the hang of multi-tasking.

11. The first few days after baby is born, hormones and reality tend to get the best of you...it's all so much to take in, for a while, I wanted to put her back in my belly, where she was safe, and quiet. It's really okay, and completely normal to be extremely emotional the first few days after you give birth.

12. Bye-bye perfume, hello to my official new scent, spit up.

13. Babies don't always smell good... in fact, more often than not, they smell like old milk.

14. Everything you do must work around baby's schedual, I mean everything, including going to the bathroom.

15. The swing is a fabulous baby sitter.

16. A glass of wine a night aids in my sanity.

17. Newborns act like little creatures rather than humans.

18. I'm pretty sure anyone that has been to our house in the last 3 weeks is tired of seeing my boobs, including my own boyfriend.

19. It made me uncomfortable when strangers would touch my belly, but you even think about touching my baby I will slap you, back the F off.


My little gremlin will be a month old this coming Monday, by the way things are going I'm sure I'll have more to add to this list.

<<my loves

I'm writing a blog.... so weird; birth story!

I just had an beautiful, awesome, perfect baby girl! Strange thing... I've never, ever, felt the need or desire to write a blog until I became a mother...now I have so much to talk about, so much to say, if I don't write about it I think my head may spin until it flies off.

My love and I had talked about having a baby a few times... but never seriously, then... once upon a Saint Patrick's day, I consumed a lethal amount of Irish whiskey... one thing lead to another and I had this genius, spur of the moment idea that we should stop what we were doing, excuse ourselves from our company, and go make a baby.... and we did just that. I wasn't entirely expecting the result of my drunken impulse to be a big, bright blue plus sign on a pee stick 7 weeks later...but it just so happened to be one of those "he shoots, he scores!" type of ordeals (kudos, babe). We had no idea that was the first day of the rest of our lives, or that it would've turned out to be the best thing we ever did.

I had a really smooth pregnancy, no complications, she was perfect from the start, but the last 2 months were agony, because I was ginormous... and had gained about 60lbs. I changed my whole lifestyle, quit smoking, started eating healthier, excersizing on more of a routine, etc etc. Having a baby is such a big deal, even as highly intoxicated as I was, I remember the exact moment Halcyon was concieved...then to the total metamorphasis of my body, hormonal changes, mood swings, to bringing a beautiful, pure, little person into this great big world...and the rollercoaster of different emotions that follow when you hold that baby in your arms. Words can't describe it, it's one of those thing that must be experienced.

Onward to the story of my sweetpea's birth...

I started having real contractions on Christmas Eve...I thought it was very strange because my OB always told me to call if I was having regular contractions about 5 minutes apart...and from the first contraction I had they were 3 to 5 minutes apart, increasing in intensity each time, my water hadn't broke, the pain was tolerable for the first several hours, and then I decided to call because the contractions were stopping me in my tracks, my mom and Kenney drove me to the maternity ward, they checked to see if I was dilated or effaced, and there was no progress from my last OB/GYN appointment... I was still 2cm, 50 %. I cursed in my head. They kept me at the maternity ward for a few hours so that they could keep checking to see if there was any progress, in as much pain as I was in... I was sad to hear that things weren't moving along, there was no way in hell I was sleeping through those contractions, so they offered some nubane, and sent me home, telling me to come back if the pain is too much to handle from home.
 I was able to get a couple hours of sleep, I woke the next morning (Christmas day) in so much pain, still having strong contractions, really close together, I waited a couple hours until I called the maternity ward, I went in and they checked my cervix, still no progress... checked again every hour....no progress. I was so irritable, tired, and the pain had gotten to be too much, I don't really remember the time I spent in the maternity ward going through contractions. They kept me over night, Kenney stayed with me, but I didn't sleep....and I don't remember that whole evening.
Next thing I knew 4 doctors flew in, one checked my cervix and said I was 3cm, which was enough to break my water, after 2 days of hard contractions with barely any break in between, I didn't care what they had to do to make things move along.
I thought the contractions were painful before, after they broke my water and I started contracting (2 minutes apart) I thought I was dying, at that point I wanted to... I have never experienced, nor fathomed that kind of pain, ever in my life, I couldn't believe that something could hurt so much. I don't remember most of that day, but I do remember them checking my cervix every hour, as I screamed, cried, and swore.... and I still wasn't progressing...finally, I heard someone say "she's 4cm, enough for the epidural." so after they told me I was far along enough for the epidural, I wanted that shit prompt!! My initial intent was to have a natural birth, I wasn't expecting to be in labor for 3 days, by the third day you bet your ass I wanted the epidural.

To my dismay, the anaesthesiologist got "held up" in heart surgery, at that point, I didn't have any remorse or empathy....at all... for the poor person in heart surgery. I had to wait 2 more hours for my epidural, in that time, I had not progressed further than 4cm (go figure), but was still screaming in pain every 1 to 2 minutes.
When the anaesthesiologist finally arrived, I wanted to attack him, and hug him at the same time.... once the epidural was put in I have never felt so much relief in my life.... but I still wasn't progressing after a couple hours, so they had to give me pitocin...I told Kenney to go home and get some sleep while my mom stayed with me, and then wham, bam, the epidural made it so I wasn't tensing up with every contraction, and the pitocin got my body in gear... I was fully dilated and ready to push and my baby's daddy wasn't back yet. I freaked for a second, but I wasn't waiting... my mom held my leg until Kenney got there.
He got to the hospital lickity split and held my left leg for me while I pushed. I only pushed for about an hour....I had expected not to feel anything because of the epidural...but I felt every contraction, each of which were accompanied by this crazy primal urge to push as hard as I could... then the baby's head started crowning...I believe they call it "the ring of fire" and now I know why, even under heavy medication I felt that shit, and it hurt like hell, but only for a a couple of minutes, and then out popped my sweet baby girl! They set her on my chest, she stopped crying almost immediatly (I did not) and she stared at me...I embraced every second of it, I could've lingered in that moment forever...I know everybody thinks their own baby is beautiful, but mine was the most beautiful newborn I have ever layed eyes on. Perfect, healthy, so, so beautiful. 7lbs 14 oz 20 inches, my gorgeous girl, Halcyon Rae. I cried for 2 hours, just staring at her...Kenney cried with me, it was the most amazing thing I'd ever experienced...I can't believe we created something so perfect.

I always said to Kenney while I was pregnant, "don't watch the head come out, our sex life will be doomed forever" once I was pushing I didn't give a crap who saw what, all modesty is out the window when you have a baby...so kiss it bye bye prego ladies....during my stay at the maternity ward I had more than 20 different people messing with my va-j-j....and that was the least of my concerns. Just a tid bit for all you momma's to be who are worried about that...once you're in labor you won't care, I promise. All that matters is that your baby comes out, once they do nothing else matters, not even the doctor sewing your bits back together.

I would do it over and over again for her...for HER only...I've decided to have no more children.

So, my baby girl will be 3 weeks old on Monday... and though the time does fly, I have never, ever experienced love like this before, and I continue to fall more in love with her every day. She has brought Kenney and I closer than we have ever been, or that I ever imagined we would be. Thanks, little munchkin, for making your mommy & daddy fall more in love with eachother!